Monday, September 06, 2004
there comes a time in every man's life where he feels the need to settle down.
And that is the boldest staement one can say, because no man wants to admit that. however, i have found that one has to be carefull when discovering this.
i discovered this, and to my shame, i found out that the beautiful lady i found was nothing but another heart breaker. LOVE IS OVERATED. this coming from the man who believes that love is the most powerful force in the universe. i use to think that love is what made this world bearable. this world is shit, and makes everyone feel like shit, and love was my one saving grace, it pushed me through baisc and advanced. there were times when i wanted to just lay down and die, and love for this lady helped me through.
i remember one point in advanced when i was getting the shit kicked out of me almost weekly, no matter what i did, no matter how much i took it or how much i "proved myself as a man", i couldn't break through. i thought about telling my drill sgt. any thing he wanted to let me out. one night i sat in bed and just killed my self from the inside out with poison from my mind ( letting my compition win) when i closed my eyes, and saw her face, i felt such relief, and power that it lifted my spirts and i just marched forward, i proved my self to not only my self, but to others, all because of HER.
i returned and found out that this saving grace had been not saving her self but yet had sex with one who i thought was my friend. i was dystroyed.
now i try to get over her, but i can't. i can't move on, and it is eating away at me from the inside out. my love turned out to be my poison. love didn't save me at all, but killed me. how ironic.
well there you go, my za za zoom zoomed my heart and my love for love right out of my soul. maybe i can grow from this, but...................................
i close with this. I QUIT
And that is the boldest staement one can say, because no man wants to admit that. however, i have found that one has to be carefull when discovering this.
i discovered this, and to my shame, i found out that the beautiful lady i found was nothing but another heart breaker. LOVE IS OVERATED. this coming from the man who believes that love is the most powerful force in the universe. i use to think that love is what made this world bearable. this world is shit, and makes everyone feel like shit, and love was my one saving grace, it pushed me through baisc and advanced. there were times when i wanted to just lay down and die, and love for this lady helped me through.
i remember one point in advanced when i was getting the shit kicked out of me almost weekly, no matter what i did, no matter how much i took it or how much i "proved myself as a man", i couldn't break through. i thought about telling my drill sgt. any thing he wanted to let me out. one night i sat in bed and just killed my self from the inside out with poison from my mind ( letting my compition win) when i closed my eyes, and saw her face, i felt such relief, and power that it lifted my spirts and i just marched forward, i proved my self to not only my self, but to others, all because of HER.
i returned and found out that this saving grace had been not saving her self but yet had sex with one who i thought was my friend. i was dystroyed.
now i try to get over her, but i can't. i can't move on, and it is eating away at me from the inside out. my love turned out to be my poison. love didn't save me at all, but killed me. how ironic.
well there you go, my za za zoom zoomed my heart and my love for love right out of my soul. maybe i can grow from this, but...................................
i close with this. I QUIT
